Dear Thursday, Cloudy & Confusion

Hi, Cindy.
How long i have abandoned here
Or how long i have abandoned myself ??
Those depressed feelings are just like the cancer cells spreading all over me
How long should i depressed myself under this damn condition
Oh lord, i am feeling tired enough.
Make it stop. Make me stop.
Is time to get back right on track
Though it hurts so much
Though it fails so much
Though it tears so much
Though it frustrates so much
Is another turning points with times of fall, gallons of tear
Still, i have to move on and pick up those shits i left somewhere

Met a very special human kind in my life
Who willing to give so much for me
He cares, he pampers, he appreciates, he understands
and he does always read my minds without fail
He did make me realize how much i have lost myself
Letting me realize how far i have left myself behind
He asked me some questions that really hit me down
Making me realize i have actually gave up myself for such long time
and he really does know what's my thinking all the times
I know, you try so hard just to make everything right
Thanks for always by my side
You shouldn't be sorry
and do forgive me with my overbearing and capricious attitude
Please be there for me all the time, i wish

Dear Tuesday, Rains and Hesitating

It's been a month
Drowning in the same situation, same thoughts, same feelings
How wish i can leave now
No matter how much effort i have tried
I just cant accept the truth of human
I know, i should understand this is the way human to keep themselves survive
I know, i should know that this is the human's culture like
and no doubt i am a human too
I know, i am not 100% perfect acting as a human
I know, i do practice some of the human culture too
But why, i just cant accept living as a human too
WHY ??

People has their ways to keep themselves survive in the working environment
I am working in a environment where everyone is physically nice and friendly
Or may be mentally bad, who knows.
I have tried so hard, real hard to stay alive in this environment.
I fell and climbed back up, again and again
I see through many kinds of personality in just a very small environment
I act myself in kinds of personality just to adapt in their freaking scary personalities
I try so hard, but i know no matter how much of tries put in
I just couldn't accept this is the fact of what humans are in this damn shit world
I cant accept back stabbing and i cant accept gossiping
Besides, i cant accept those mentally morons
What a life.

Dear Tuesday, Cloudy & Painfully

Again with the aching feelings
Again i think that living alive is an awful thing ever
I really did try
But YOU are non stop making me to lose the strength
Efforts?? What a bull shit
No matter how much i have tried
No matter how hard i pulled myself up
Useless, it doesn't help at all
YOU don't help at all.
Continue believing the lies hiding behind myself
Trying to make myself better
After all it seems just make it worst
All these are making me suffer whenever i think back
Is this what YOU want??
Is this what i really deserve for??
Is this a punishment caused from karma??
Giving me a life, making me to give up, and saving me back again
Is this how should life be??

Dear Thursday, Cloudy & Moody

Do not treat me just like a stupid !!!
Don't tell me what should i do or shouldn't i do
Which i already know the rules
I may look freaking dumb
But i know what i am doing
If you don't have the confidence and trust on me
Don't act that i am good in it
Mood swing. Hate this feeling so much

Cindy, don't put so much expectation on promises
You don't deserve to fall that deep
Wanting something badly is just not so easy

Don't bear with me
The love and care i need are more than you can never expect
My greediness, selfishness, overbearing, jealousy you can never take it
Thanks for making me a heart-break
It reminds me i shouldn't go that far

Stop, Cindy !  

Dear Thursday, Cloudy


Ta da~~~
I am freeeeee from assignments with thousands and thousands of words to think
Handed up the last paper
Then went for my hair do
Hey, fringe, nice to see you back again =)
Free myself from the computer one whole day
But how come migraine seems never get away ??

Fully get back to my work again
Oppss...there's so much i have to touch up
Stress again and again
Even though the assignment period over
My goodness
Short one today, suddenly the mood turned down
Nights world

Night, my guardian angel
Sorry for letting you worrying about me recently
Thank you for supporting me always
Trying to lesser my stress, trying to make me smile
You did a lot for me, and i am appreciating much
You will be fine. Please get well soon, my guardian with blessed

Dear Wednesday, Freezzy Cloudy

Just don't know why
I am getting mad to myself again and again
Outer pain release the inner pain so well
Thus keep creating scars on myself
Am i metamorphosis ?? or maybe insane ??
Never mind, these scars reminds me the pain i am getting through
By the time the scars dispersed, will be the time the pain goes off

Cindy, you are such insane freak !!!

Dear Wednesday, Cloudy

Well finally hit down one paper
So takes some times here to vent my feelings
My hours of sleeps getting lesser and lesser
I am looking pale, more pale and pale
Two more papers to go and i have to rush one in only a week time
Oh Lord, kill me please

Migraine is getting serious and more pain than usual
Last night the hit was killing
Never been through such ache of migraine before
Felt like blasting my head off
Glad that it gets better today
Hopefully don't come back visit in this period of time
It really slows me down on my work
And is not cool to have this kind of pain

Been lesser down my work in office due to the rush of my papers
Always been loved dearly and worried
Trying not to become as your burden
Thanks for giving me so much of support and understandings
And i do appreciate much *with hugs

My hubby, the one who has been neglected by me in this period of time
Been through a harsh time with him on the same arguments
Which this pulls us closer to each other again
Knowing how we need each others so much
Tears may be a pain
But after the pains, i know
I love you still

Hello December, but you seems don't successfully cheer me up :( *Dislike

Deary, Sunny & Shine

Well, it's coming to the year end, one more month to go
This is the month with assignments rushing
Again i will be hell stressing on those aching works in a month
So, i free myself some time to blog :)

She asked me a question, in a sudden just now...
What should i answer you? How should i answer you?
Never expect you would ask me this kind of question
Never think of how should i answer even though others could be asking the same question
This question...the answer....
I just don't know what can i answer
Never want anyone to know or even care about
Don't want anyone of you worrying, yet you all shouldn't be worried
Sometimes things just couldn't be solved at the moment or maybe it just couldn't be solved anyway

I am sorry, for letting you worried
I am sorry, for not letting you know what actually my feelings are
I am sorry, for doing anything might be make you feel sad
I am sorry, but i just want to keep it to myself
I do facing a real hard time recently, and i am trying to recover myself fast
But seems to be find it hard, is not easy to stand back up again and again after times of fall
But never mind, how hard it is, i am still trying hard...
I fell, i cried, i stand and again the process goes cycling again and again
Yet, i am still wishing to be invisible...

With loves <3

20 Oct. Tearing

Dear you,

Been trying so hard to overcome
and you still fail
Thought you can handle it so well
and you fail again
How many times are you going to cry on the same shit
Why just don't you say "No", "Cant" or whatever to at least be weak for once
Why cant just you say you want to give up for once

30 Sept, Blurry

Dear Brainy,

Don't torture me any more ok :(
I don't want to have headache
I don't want to have blurry vision
I don't want to be tired all the time
I don't want to feel like drunk drunk deii~~ @@

What happened to you lately...Brainy ??

September 18, Rains

The mood has finally calm down
Recovering stage was hard
Overcoming stage was tough
Well, all these have passed and i am grown again :)

School starts Feels better than I thought
Back working as part time Much busier compared to Sem 1
Will not promise myself not to be last minutes
Because is what I always do, habit which cant get rid of
Lately, been wondering about something get me so helpless
No one I can share with In a situation of 'Should I? or Shouldn't I'
Anyway, I shall smile and go on




"How much of tears been through, 
 I am still living tough" :)

最近是怎么了？？ 眼泪总是不经意的流下 心痛的感觉。。。又清晰了 懊恼的感觉。。。又强烈了 经不起的压力。。。感觉是如此的沉重 不被了解的心情。。。是如此的孤寂 算了。。。再怎么累，再怎么跌，再怎么痛 都不想被了解 又是时候。。。把自己隐藏 又是时候。。。对自己说话 又是时候。。。重新学着坚强 无所谓。。。习惯了 静静的跌倒。。。 静静的哭泣。。。 静静的思考。。。 静静的面对。。。 静静的一个人。。。 就已经足够。。。 就让自己好好的再哭泣 在一下子。。。就好 今天的我。。。不想微笑

Well coming to the end of August
Been thrown myself in work environment
The internship report has been abandoned for months
The worst is until today i still got no any intention for it
Got no ideas how to start, where to start, what to start
I was busying working and working so seriously
and yes i forget i have a report need to submit
Okay, i am lazy i admit
I am still in my working mood, and i am not prepared going back to college yet

This August I don't like
Don't know what am i worrying for
Don't know what am i stressing for
Don't know what am i thinking for
Don't know where should i be
Don't know which way to go
Don't know who should i trust
Don't know how to be tough and strong
A lots of questions marked on my mind
Again with the non stop tears
Again so tiring

He came, guide me along from unknown to slowly i can step back on my track again
Appreciates and thanks so much what he've been taught and guided me
Giving me confidence and trust, supports and accepts what i could have did wrong all the while
He gives me chances to try a lot of things which i cant learn it from books
I am really fulfilled on what i've learned from you
and get to understand the world goes round like how's it always should be
I will be strong one day, my promise to you.

I'll will be fine, to go alone even though with tears =)

The 5th years, 60th months, 1825th days

Been through so much pains and smiles together

From quarrels to appreciating each others all the time

From immature till treating each other as husband and wife

Discussion is now more than arguments

Talking get lesser because understanding has increased

Meeting each others get lesser because putting each others so close inside

These five years, putting so much in each others taking so much from each others

Though there are sometimes of frustrated, disappointed, ego

Still, loving each others much

Had a bad morning today

Didn't know the sharpen words can be so hurt this time

Didn't know i really do miss you so much this time

Didn't know i cant even lose you at all

Didn't know we need each others so much

Didn't know not meeting each others for a week could be that pain

Didn't know a word of 'Bye' can make me tears

The phone has been silence for an hour

What are you thinking right now, hub

With Love

Soon coming to the end of July

Still the same, being late everyday

I was already wake up early, prepared earlier yet i am still late, why?!

I think i've fully adapted in my working position now

and forgotten i have the intern report to hand up on September

Another month and will be back to schooling life

A sudden feeling of dismay for leaving office as full time

Suddenly feel so unfulfilled for going back to study

Yet, i will still go on until i successfully get my degree

Right now, erggghh the stupid report

Accompanied MD went exhibition in KLCC yesterday

and made me realize my fear of the crowd

It was so crowded, people was walking around me,

made me so uncomfortable and dizzy

I didn't know i would so scare about

I didn't know why, didn't know what i was afraid of..

sickening huh O.o

Hey Dear Diary,

Such a long time you have been left out =)

I am so busy with the load of work tasks

Having OT everyday (mostly)

All my efforts have put into all my tasks

Feels so much filled with my current life

Slowly adapting in the age of 21

Was being kinda depressed once

It was like i would have more things and problems i should face

The responsibilities of 21 are so much heavy than i thoughts

Things never go so smoothly as i wish

Yet, i do make some of my little time to be happy and saying to myself it will one day at least get better

I fill myself with loads of tasks to hide away from my problems

doesn't mean i don't care, is just because i don't know how

*******************************************************************

How sad that he is making me sick, the feeling of hate and anger towards him is getting stronger and stronger

To start a conversation with him, it can really makes me cry, because i just don't know what to say with him

The pains and hurts of feeling towards someone you did really loved before, it extremely kills

Don't wanna hear any story about you, it will just makes me more disappointed and hates

I won't ever trying to forgive just like you won't ever change

Chances given too much but you take it as useless shit

I should move on and slowly forget all those happy days i've been through with you

Flash back it may be sweet but sorry i just cant forgive what you have been done to us

Thank you for loving me still~

Getting weaker and weaker

Trying to be tough and strong

Acting i am fine all the time

Smiling reluctantly outside

Crying hard inside

Sometimes i am just so tired with all these

Nothing would get better as what i thought

No one i can rely to

No one i can speak to

I might look strong all the time

But not inner part of mine

No one understand and i don't even want others to understand

Don't try to understand cause no one ever can understand

A stone may already broken, broken pieces can be strong as well

I cry loads, i hate most

I cant have my wishlist to be achieved

Even just a little small thing i wish to

I envy, i got jealous and i hate

So how...sometimes something just couldn't change

and have to bear with it all the times

Sad to have this kind of environment

Sad to have a man with no responsibilities in the family

Sad to have a woman with tears to brace the family

Sad to have a girl with tiredness to support the family

Yet, no one could just understand

Looking at some, yet i just cant compare

Appreciate the most i have now, yet still missing some pieces

Just like whatever a girl does have or might have

Life just so unfair, and you just cant escape

Until He say "Yes"

Aloha =) It's May

And finally i've done all the assignments

I feel just so released Ahahahhahaha

Once i completed the last fcuking paper

I was so Urggg Hyperrrr

Left all the papers books pens everything aside

and threw myself to bed

Thank goodness How long i never sleep for more than 5 hours already ?!

Gonna start tune my time back to normal

What a life i had in the freaking April *Wasted

Bye SEGi for 4 months ?!!! And hello to the internship program with a report to submit =(

Going back to the office days

Can i have another 1 week time to be late, i wish =8)

These days i have lots of impression plus a little over of imagination

Hahahs....maybe express out in chinese version will be better

Well...HELLOOOSSSS

- MAY

- BED

- SHOPPING

- AND RESULTS

Happy yet Worries......

*Madness

Month April...Is not so fun

Stress to the max !!!

Rushing with the assessments

And all are freaking hard when you really start to write something

Due dates are near...gosh

Got no extra times to slack :|

Im going through critical paths

Referencing is so annoying

just because of the stupid Turn It In system

The paper is like 30% hard already

yet still have to be so concerned with the referencing larr~ citation larr~

Sigh :\

My best record : I just slept for like 5 hours in 2 days FML*

3 more papers to go...Loads of articles, journals to be read

2 weeks to hit all down...By the time i am sure KO

I will definitely hug my pillow hard and lie on my bed next month

Hubby's birthday is near too...

Not even buy him a present yet

Argh...i hope i wont forget

But never mind, the bee will always remind me

Hahas ♥

Having a very bad skin condition especially my face T.T

I need to look for sleeping mask d...

*See...the 'chan' face

Straight fringe again =)

A kinda depressed this weekends

Mood was down...Special thanks to PMS..Argh

Weather is hot Mood is hot what else more??

Jerrell boy is sick again

Being kinda sticky when i went visit him just now *Miss ♥

Gonna continue my assignment but i am feeling sleepy right now O.o

Next week test, test and test

Making my life so freaking hard and stress

Argggg....i am lazy

Went out with my boss to a small briefing for a Program

He made up a very brave decision....

Asked me to drive his Camry way down to KL

My goodness i never even drive out from KK

All the way down i was like...STRESSS

Flu right now.....down