Im so..oo..OO sleepy
So..oo..OO hungry
The worst is i still cant get a layout for this
*Pissed*

My holiday starts but bored
Gonna have another early sleep today
Hm...

Bored looooooooorrrrrrrrrrr =(

Where to start Hm...
Few days back i actually wanted to post up something
But kinda lazy & still lazy
So briefly draft out what happened few days back =)
Finally I made an egg stood up straight which only can make on the day
There's a force or maybe strong gravity i couldn't explain =O

Ulcer still in my mouth
I cant really eat due to i cant really chew
When only it will go away =(

I have so much to write here at first
But *Black out*
Still fixing the background o>_..............................................................
Speechless Buh Bye

Recent activities
Felt so tired these few days
Woke up very early
Nothing much actually
As usual go to school
then back home
take care the naughty boy
Sleep so less



Studies status
Just finished 1 presentation today
Assignments keep coming one by one
Finance assignment is the hardest
Individual presentation is required
Lecturer SUX Start hating to see his face
I feel like waking him madly !!! and i so mean it
Shut ur stupid mouth up
Stop showing ur fcuking style of teaching
Don't make curse u max to HELL *Wira* F U !!!
Sorry for those rude words but just cant help it
I'm too fcuking hate him !!!



Love status
Relationship has reach the maturity stage =)
Understand each other deeper & deeper
Even though we never say a word
He gives me so much of supports no matter what
& of course he wasted his time too =( Sorry


Health & Wealth status
100% recovered from all the sickness =)
But i'm loosing my appetite these days
I just don't like my food looks much Really much
I need MONEY >< MONEY come MONEY come to me
Haih..i tied my stomach as tight as it can
But still cant get the amount i need !!!
I still need lots of things
How i wish everything gets better

Again having some problems again It never stop
Again so hard for me to SMILE
I'm trying so hard Really hard
But again & again YOU make it worse
WHY !!!

YOU never give a chance
Maybe there's some but it might end up bad
I'm getting tired Really tired
Why cant YOU make it stop
What big mistake i did
Why i have to be punished for so long
Why have to make it so hard for us
Why YOU gave me the 20% chance to come to this world
& seeing all this going through all this suffering for all this

No matter how hard i try
No matter how good i do
No matter how kind i accept all this
I still cant win

Been through the most unhappy day of 2010
& now i'm so awake
Though some of ur words were hurt
It just like tons of iced water splashed on me
Thanks for waking me up
I shouldn't rely on you too much
I'm sorry for being greedy
I'm sorry for letting you down
& now i'm not letting me down anymore
Live my life to the fullest

I have a thought few days back
& i'm still thinking bout it
Suddenly i feel like going abroad for further studies
Maybe few years later maybe more
Erm I don't know
Anyway i'm working harder now
Putting more effort in everything i do
Waiting the day i willing to give up everything here
& go far far away

I faced today that i don't want to
How stupid !!! I cant skip today alone
I hate !!! Once i think bout it I really hate

Feel much better d
Medicine too strong making me so drowsy
Made me bit dumb dumb these few days
Missed 2 classes for 2 days
Missed my result slip
& i miss milo iced coffee iced
ice cream & so much so much more

Spent my days at home
Facing a super naughty baby
Non stop playing "Spot The Differences"
So addicted to it i don't know why
It's fun but hate it when it makes my eyes go crazy
Those pics are really insane

Baby starts to make noise again
OMG ~~
One more day to go
Love you weekends
Love you my only honey hubby

Class started this morning
1st day of school lost the mood to study
Thanks to the fussy lec with his GREAT RULES
*Hello cant u don't be so fussy like auntie

Chinese New Year coming soon
The worst is on Valentine's Day ><
I need a new heel or shoe
I need a new bag
I need .... Need so much
Haih

Baby kept crying today =(
Carried him & made him sleep
Looked at his sleeping look on my shoulder
& i smile Don't know why
I feel so sweet =)

Is not easy to raise a baby
But when you see them going through different stages
When they have their 1st teeth
When they start learn to crawl
When they start learn to talk
Is pretty funny sometimes

Anyway i won't be getting a baby so soon
I'm not gonna trouble myself in this
Haha

Cheeseeezz =D

So its the second day of 2010
And again Hello 2010 =)

1st of all gonna explain something bout my last post of 2009
The both person i mentioned were mom and of course my bee
So don't misunderstood ya

New year eve was my mom's big day
At 1st i really confused who to accompany
But at last i chose mom =)
Felt released after made up my mind
Sorry & love u Bee ♥




A new year started My new & last sem starting soon too
Seriously i don't when class gonna start
Don't even have a time table :|
Result out soon It gonna be so Shit Really shit
One month they have to arrange all the slips
So can we have our result just in time ??

Hoping this year can be better
But i know most of the time will mix up some of the bad ones
Maybe a lot or a little i don't know
Anyway i'm preparing & looking forward bout it
4 months more to end my course
Gonna get myself up looking for a job
I'm so lazy bout it but i cant say NO

All these years i have lots of YOU along
Loving me Caring me
And now is time for me to love you care you in return
Love ♥

** Searching for a new blog skin
** Bored with the PINK already
** Want to try new colour
** But i still cant get a PERFECT one =(

End here Bye ;p

Haih currently so confused now

Both also i want Both also i love

Every end of the year have to go through this

Again have to be the bad 1 Haih

I really don't want to but

I also don't want to let go another 1

Ishx Such a failure

I broke her heart deeply Haih

Today my worst day which almost got me killed I felt~~

The pain wasn't hurt but kill Gosh

The pain suddenly came visit

Dad & mom were out Baby was here But i was fainting

Got no idea how Cant stand though

Sat alone in the kitchen waiting someone to come back home

The pain got stronger It made me hard to breath

Was forcing myself not to faint because i don't want to die

Thought i was dying Whole mind was Bee

Wanted to sms him & tell but i don't want he worried

& luckily i never =)

So shit What a day & now the pain starts attacking AGAIN !!!

The fear of dying cant be described
Even though if you always think of dying
Love urself & all the others around u ♥




3 more days to the end of 2009

Preparing for next year which i think it gonna get more worse

So looking forward for the bad & think good =)

Last =) Bye bye shit December in advance

A new week gonna start tomorrow Still having my bored holiday at home ><
Weekdays busy with the notti baby ♥
Weekends busy with my sweet bee bee ♥
They make my day brighter =)

A little unhappy today
Hubby let go his gold fish its freedom =(
But he bought back some guppies
My guppies are way back prettier than those he bought
Hehe i kept telling him that =P
Don't know why some seem like dying d
Maybe not used to the new environment

Hubby keep complaining i'm getting fatter ><
& yeap i admit
Really have to take it seriously d
But i'm so free & it makes me eat non stop
How shit ~~

Not really wanna sit in front the com d
MSN always make my toolbar full
Facebook nothing much to do d
Kinda lazy to approve my friend request
Too bad if delete So i will approve all at once one day
** Congratz Cindy, you can get rid from com d ** ^^v

I set a wall up between & now i'm taking back down
It's me starting all these & I'm stopping it
Too much of sadness i brought in between us included my own problems
So everything is fine now Back to the normal Me

Smsed with hubby last night Talked about who's gonna leave each other first
What a stupid topic Don't know how it started
Hubby keep saying that i will leave him first after i start to work
& i keep saying that i won't
Lol keep arguing about it ==||

Yeah we never know how our future will be
There will be changes but we cant predict whether it's good or bad
However a promise is made to be forever
Since we made it & it shall not be broke easily
So do i Loving you still & always ♥




Have to thank someone really special here
You are here for me whenever i need somebody
You make me smile with an oink face all the time
But i realized im being greedy sometimes
I don't how will make you feel
I just know i shouldn't rely on you too much
Anyway thanks alot =) you're my bestie that i cant live without
Best buddy ever

A black Sunday i had
A pain of heart broke once i knew something i'm not supposed to know
Picking up the broken pieces again
& I'll be fine again

Anyway It was my fault I shouldn't
Shouldn't brought out all my jealousy
Shouldn't brought up the curiosities have in me
Shouldn't know too much
I'm sorry

I believe in you Really i do
It's been more than 3 years we share, talk, cry, laugh and love
& never stop You told me not to let go
So i do I never let go & wouldn't let go
But i scare I scare you'll go backwards
Back to what you were those days
I pray I please Don't

You can have your freedom Wouldn't mind anymore
But at least you tell & don't lie
Wouldn't mind where you going to who you going with
But please don't ruin our future

Last but not least I still loving you much
& will not let go if you never ask
Don't worry how i will be because
我, 哭過就好了 ♥

My most unhappy Saturday...

I know i'm being so childish...but i tried Really tried I still cant CANT !!

Where's the ME with smile... Why i care so much? Where's my kind and big heart go?

There's no much time left for me to restore back to myself...The normal ME...

I have to let go..forget and continue...

I'm sorry...my friends I'm still hiding some part of myself...I will be fine soon...

Sorry i never say anything...I can keep to myself...I can

哭過就好了 =) There'll be a day, I'll get myself to settle down...& stop thinking

** I need time...a little more...to step out...

Something happened last few days...Was really really down Trying to forget about it I'll soon recover~~

* Dear friend...i will be fine...don't worry ya =)

Have to 'restore' myself and change all my bad habits in study...Last sem will be having really tough time...Gonna put more effort in...And let go the relationship problems...

Baked cookies this whole noon...Taste yummy but it looks ugly = =|| Wondering why the cookies turned soft after let it cool ><

* Ta Da =)


* Behind the scene a.k.a The mess


Oh ya Christmas coming Ho Ho Ho ^^

From: Baby Jerrell =)

Feels like bit long never come up here d....So sem break starts Bored

Want a job currently to spend my so free time...One friend of my mom is opening a boutique soon So i simply asked mom whether her friend need a part time promoter a not but i'm not serious with it actually haha...
So mom asked her friend then her friend explained so much of criteria as a fashion promoter Swtx ~~

I made up my mind after whatever she told me =\ I will only put dresses on myself but not be the one who put the dress to the others It will just make me jealous much >< If my mom knows this is what my thought she will probably asking me to marry a rich guy and have all the people to serve me ....

However, that's a big big NO...I rather have my own money than using others...And this is what i learn since young till now...Never ever 100% rely on a man =) Ok..skip this...

I'm recovering from the pain...and slowly i'm really not gonna mind anymore...Slowly letting go...Realized our relationship has already exceeded the normal couple would be...Too understand each other until we can know what's in our mind without telling or saying it out...Good or Bad?? Hmmm...anyway...Still loving u so much ♥

Since i said im not gonna care so much d so...Back to the usual me Best to keep everything ito myself =)

So final ended for me...Ended badly Haih >< Studied so much did so much but so worst

Headache~ing...Finished exam still stressing >< Dad and mom kept asking how was my paper Haih

Cant u all stop telling me about scholarship...scholarship...scholarship Make me stress so much
Cant don't mind so much about my CGPA.... i don't think 3.5 is bad and i did my best all the time
I have my own path way to go and i can go all by myself...So stop stressing me asking and worrying about me this and that...

Having headache from morning till now...>< Fell sick more than 2 times per month gosh...I have a month to sleep madly...

November gonna end soon and December's coming up Then 2009 is going to end...
2010...Waiting for a better year...Better me Better us...

** Hubby, i suddenly miss u so much ♥ Love u muchiexx

Don't know what happened to me these days...Being just like a mental problem person...Tired of being like this but so hard for me to control it...

It sometimes makes me feel like smashing myself to the wall...I can only get to sleep in pain...I scratched myself with tears again and again...

Dear cindy,
Just let it go ok ?? You are being so generous all the time...Why don't just keep it like this forever...Try hard and don't mind so much anymore ok ?? Let go girl let go ....

Not feeling so well...Hurts so bad ><

Wasted a day again i think ?? The pain made me so mood less and tired

Haih my revision goes un~smoothly...Keep dragging it day by day >< Really have to finish up by tmr d
Hoping not to sleep tonight =)

Hubby, sorry i keep hurting myself so badly...Seems like gonna get scold by u again tmr :p

My health is getting worse to worst...Anti-body getting weaker and weaker...Skin layer getting thinner and thinner
The 'blue-black' spots are all over my leg but dunno why and when it appeared ><

Should i go for dinner??

Feels much better today i think...Sorry peeps, i just went off without a notice last night...

Bee, i know u tried ur best...I shouldn't keep on disturbing u even i know u still ur own stuff to think bout
Sorry keep making u to worry =(

Having hard sleep this few nights...but don't know why Haih Had a nap this afternoon yet still so sleepy O.o

I started my revision today but till now not even touched chapter 2 >< Planned to finish at least 4 chapters today but i think cant make it d...Gosh enough time left??

Why only study makes miracle works >< Just only 1 paper to sit for...So i cant lose